Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Why I hate haircuts

I need a haircut again, but it's going to be a long while before I get one.  I don't enjoy it on a number of levels.  First, it seems like a tedious way to spend any amount of time, just sitting there and making awkward conversation with some random person who's under the impression that I want to have a conversation, when what I really want is to close my eyes, take a nap, and wake up with the whole thing done.

When you sit down, they ask how you want it cut.  Now, this is an obvious question for them to ask, but it ALWAYS catches me off-guard.  I feel like I've done enough just making the time and showing up, and now I suddenly need a plan and a vision.  I don't know!  Just trim it or something.  Since I work in an office, I'd like it cut so short I don't have to do anything with it in the morning.  My wife wants it longer than that, so this leaves me at a loss.  I usually end up trusting the judgment of some random hair-cutting person: "Just do whatever you think is best.  You probably know better than I do."

If I didn't have the day job, I'd almost never get my hair cut, because the experience is so annoying to me.  When I'm off work--for example, when I just took two months of leave for the birth of my son--I pretty much revert to my college hippie look in about a week.  My beard grows really fast.  Did you ever see that Discovery Channel documentary where they show how rapidly the wilderness would overtake the cities if humans disappeared?  That's what happens with my face when I'm not going to a day job.  The wilderness is always waiting just below the surface.

Now, my wife has me go to the salon in the same strip mall as her pet supply store, and so my ears get waxed, too.  I sort of don't have a choice, the ladies at the salon sort of insist on it.  And here's the weird part: I don't really mind it.  It's kind of a ripping, tearing pain, but it feels like progress.  It's not the extended snip-snip tedium of watching someone trim your hair for thirty minutes while they tell you about their boyfriend/kids/dog.  So maybe I should just get my whole head waxed and be done with it.


  1. You're like my hubby! He hates going to get it cut. When he doesn't cut his hair, he starts to look like Doc Brown from Back to the Future...on his good days, Einstien.

  2. I know! That's why I call him that. He doesn't think it's very funny.

  3. Go to a good higher end salon and pick a stylist and stick with him/her. After the second or third visit the stylist will get your personality and know how you want it cut. Problem solved. And I don't quite know if I should be offended by your hate for my profession and its services?

  4. Well, most guys view getting a haircut as an annoying chore (like Claudia's husband...), so it's not exactly a unique viewpoint. It's just something you have to do, like going to the dentist.

  5. You are hiliarious! I am a girl and I even feel that way! I just want them to cut my hair. I'm not there to hear about so and so and what happened at the last BBQ. Does that make me an anti-social? The last stylist I seen would ask me questions, but before I could answer she proceeded to answer for me like I wasn't even there. I closed my eyes and could picture her with a ciggarette hanging out of her mouth and curlers in her hair. UGGG!
    Thanks for letting us in your head! Too funny!

  6. Are you going to go bald anytime soon? My husband just shaves his own head. He likes it because 1. he's cheap and 2. it involves very little decision making.

  7. Oh my dear God... My hubs gets his done every other WEEK. I'll be honest... I'm kinda freaked out that you get your ears waxed dude. ;)

  8. Ear waxing does not freak me out! I think it's a great idea. My husband could use that! I'm going to suggest it. But not waxing his head. He does draw the line at some things. I don't want to push it. He might suddenly find a better use for my book buying money!

    But I'm with you on the how do you want it? "Same as last time. If I wanted it different, I'd have announced it when I sat down." And the chit chat- my last stylist I dreaded getting my hair cut b/c of hearing about her life. I dread having to go! But the silence gets awkward. Where are all those comfortable silences I read about? The last person that cut and colored my hair, I went to for 7 yrs. we'd known each other long enough for comfortable silences, but she never shut up. Even the silence was noisy! I was never comfortable until I was out the door!
    So I'm with you on this one!

    But I'm not getting my head waxed!

  9. LOL I'm glad i'm not the only one who hates going to the hairdressers and it's mainly for the same reasons as you, although I have to admit that I've NEVER had my ears waxed. What a horrible thought!

  10. Stacey - I'm not that far gone yet! We'll see.

    Brunette - If you saw my ears, you'd change your mind. I'm kinda freaked your husband gets a haircut every 2 weeks. Is he a male model or something??

    Heather - A head waxing would work so well on you!

    Karen - Oh, you should try it. There's nothing like having a bunch of hair ripped out all at once. It's very soothing.